My One Word: Cultivate {an Update, and a Promise}

My word for the year is Cultivate.
To cultivate the relationship with my Lord, my Savior.
To cultivate the relationships with my family.

The only thing that I have been cultivating is SELF.

I have been making myself busier and busier. Last week the OneVerse post, a 3in30 post, and a MustLoveGod post were all due at the same time.   And I was still adding to my list of places I could guest post.

I have these dreams.

God given dreams. That have given way to big, self-promoting dreams. That have made me lose sight of the giver of the dreams.

I have these goals, and convictions.
I end up focusing so much on the end result that I forget to ask for strength, wisdom and protection for the during.

I keep trying to understand what my purpose is in this space.
What my presence online is supposed to be; whether I am having the impact that I am supposed to; whether I am doing enough.

So much so that I fear am losing sight of the right heres, and the right nows.

How can I keep going at this pace? How can I keep doing all that needs to be done? I am only one person. And this one person has a full time job, two children, a church plant, a side job as a trombone player, is involved with an online ministry, directs the community band, and has a blog.

And I am trying to quit sugar. And processed foods. (Eventually.)

So I guess what I am trying to say is that the only thing I have been cultivating is weariness of body, and heaviness of heart.

I am getting things done. Leading worship on Sundays, and teaching my students, and parenting my boys, and writing my blog. But I am losing the freedom of being in His will. Because when I focus on the how much, I forget to focus on the I AM who is within me, empowering me to achieve HIS to do list.

When I bring all of this to Him, I do not feel overwhelmed.
I feel peace.
I feel like I am in the center of His will, even if my focus has been slightly off-center.

So this is my promise.  In those times in the evening when I am not feeling the burden to write,  instead of just sitting here with the laptop open and wasting time doing nothing, I will take out my prayer journal, and I will write.   In those times before my children are in bed, I leave the laptop closed, and write in my prayer journal, or sing worship songs. Or teach my son another scripture.

I will cultivate the relationship that needs to be my highest priority.

Grateful to be linking up with one of my dearest blog friends, for this timely check-in.